Joburg Subways and Kidney Stones

Oh shuddup. Yes it’s been forever since my last blog. But I do not care.

Life has been prancing along at full speed since the Joburgboy got back from Japan. The Joburgboy has already been to Durban and Cape Town, and has already had a trip to the hospital for a kidney stone. The Joburgboy is seemingly a 55 y/o male because 24 y/o males do not get kidney stones. And actually, the Joburgboy STILL has a kidney stone – the fucking thing is too large for it to pass, and it was stuck behind some bone. So the doctor stuck some funny foreign object ‘up there’ and the Joburgboy is due to go back into hospital so he can stick another foreign object ‘up there’ that will blast the stone into smaller pieces. It seems that the Joburgboy’s kidney really is quite the happening place…

Anyway, enough about me. If you don’t know me (ie… erm.. the Joburgboy), then I don’t know how much you’ll care about my kidney. It’s not really something one chats about over dinner, although the gory details (like cathetas and all that jazz) does tend to illicit dramatic responses from people……. ;)

Today I shall post a little bit of my creativity. When I create stuff like this, my mind wonders why on earth I am doing law. Some law students talk with great animation about the latest legal development, and the latest cases and Acts etc… I talk passionately about what Joburg needs to do to make it a world-class African city by 2030. People hear me talk about it, and they conclude (as do I) that I really should have done urban planning/design. Six years of law down the line, I feel that it’s a bit too late to change degree.

But I digress. Tokyo gave me a great deal of inspiration. It’s a city of many, many people, all tightly packed into a very close area that is spotless and mind-boggling….ly efficient. Particularly efficient is the public transport, which I fear my beloved Joburg could only hope to match. They have conductors at the end of each train making sure everything runs smoothly… We have unruly youths jumping out of trains and hanging under carriages whilst the train is in motion – just for kicks, and to ‘impress’ the girls.

Tokyo’s metro system is incredibly large, and one can get anywhere with it. It took us a while to get from where we were staying into the centre of Tokyo, and so along the way I used the notebook Marcel (my bf) gave me to construct Joburg’s subway system.

In my system, I would retain the present Gautrain structure. However, I do feel that the structure is far too limited, and I would extend it both towards the south and towards the east and west. These lines (the Gauteng Central and Airport lines) would form the skeleton of the system, and would run via high-speed trains that would get people from far flung areas quickly and efficiently into the centre of the city.

I then developed seven more lines that would not go as fast as the Gautrain, and that would connect areas inbetween these two major lines. The Blue Crane would form an outer circle line around the city, whilst the Ubuntu line would form an inner circle line. Notice also the Soweto line – I feel an important development given the growth of this mini-city. At present, the Gautrain totally ignores Soweto, which I think is a grave mistake considering most people who use public transport come from Soweto.

I also decided to dream really big, and decided that Johannesburg would have three major airports, ala New York. These would be linked to major subway stations by airport monorail. OR Tambo and Lanseria would be serve both international and domestic traffic, whilst Grand Central would function more as a low-cost airline hub.

I have yet to finish the entire system, however, because I have not yet done the tram systems for both the Joburg CBD and for the Sandton CBD. The tram systems would function more as a hop-on, hop-off system and would not be as ‘formal’ as the subways would be. They would be free, and would encourage greater development of both Sandton and Joburg as financial centres.

Below one can find the picture…. Let me know what you think? It’s best that you open it up in a new window because it’s beeeg.

Whacky Stuff #1

Welcome to the first ever Whacky Stuff from the Joburgboy. Whacky Posts will showcase all that is completely whacky in the world. the Joburgboy has decided to embark on this whacky escapade, for himself has been referred to as ‘whacky.’ How would one define whacky?

The Oxford Talking Dictionary defines ‘whacky’ as being a variant of ‘wacky,’ and is an adjective used to describe someone (or something, for that matter), who is… ”A crazy, mad, or peculiar person; an eccentric.”

The first Whatcky Stuff contains the three following characters/things:

• A building
• A billboard
• Robert Gabriel Mugabe

Spot the odd one out.

The building…

This building attracted me because it is old (from 1918), is rather decrepit and would look absolutely fantastic if it was spruced up and made it to an attractive, hip, hot and happening shop. But as it is, it has a charm that I find infectious…

I also like the building, however, because it is Thomas’ Building. And my name is Thomas. So it is now my building. Don’t I just rock?

The Billboard…

The Billboard comes from that fantastic blog, the Oh My God Blog, that posts either skandaaaal or pictures of famous men in the nude. It also occasionally posts photos of whacky/cute stuff… like this billboard. I suppose it’s message reflects a valid concern of many people: just imagine how many people have done the nookie-nookie on the comfortable bed you’re sleeping on? Hmmmm….

Robert Gabriel Mugabe (aka Bob)…

I shouldn’t really be placing this dimwit under my Whacky Stuff category, because what he has done is not a joke and is a very serious situation. It pisses off many South Africans, in particular, for this dimwit lives on our doorstep, and yet our government continues with it’s policy of Quiet Diplomacy, even though the actions of his government, such as Operation Murambatsvina and the recent torturing of opposition leader, Morgan Tsvangarai, violate our own Constitutional principles as well the values of the African Union. It also results in a HUGE influx of refugees from Zimbabwe, which in turn places immense pressure on our own scarce labour and social resources. But our government – oh no, they just tra la la their way through life as though nothing bad is happening – all is hunky dorey on our beautiful continent, neh?

Anyway, Bob’s response to the condemning remarks fromm the rest of the world (read: UK, USA, EU, etc. NOT CHINA) was quite comical, as he told them to ‘Go Hang.’

Arty Braamie

The following news makes me happy inside:

Today I received an email from this lovely lady known as Katie, who works for Kagiso Urban Management. What they do is basically coordinate urban development and are one of the reasons why suburbs, such as Braamfontein and Newtown, look remotely pretty and not at all like the dumps of Hillbrow and/or Bryanston (I do not like Bryanston for it looks big and brash to me).

One of their projects is an initiative of the Johannesburg Development Agendy (JDA) and the Braamfontein Improvement District, and basically what it is, is the creation of an arts precinct on the corner of Wits University (just below University Corner). It will include an art gallery as well as the reopening of the University Corner Cafeteria, which is at the top of this high-rise building and looks like a UFO ship. Anyway, it has a great view of the city, and I would kill for it to be opened again.

Unfortunately, it seems as if this project has been delayed indefinitely, for there seemingly is no funding for it, but I was quite excited to get an email from her about an art installation that will be put in place around this area. It hopefully is the start of something bigger, but even if it isn’t, it will contribute to Braamfontein as a lively inner city suburb. Already there have been quite a few new developments in Braamfontein, and initiatives such as the reopening of the Alexander Theatre will hopefully make it a very attractive place to live, work and play in. The installation has been managed by something called the Trinity Session (and guided by advisors), and there have been various submissions from art students at the University which will be judged, and the winner will obviously be the one chosen for the installation.

There will be walk about tours of these submissions at Wits University’s Substation Gallery. They are scheduled for Monday 19 March 10:15 till 12:00, and Tuesday 20 March 12:30 till 14:00. Email me if you would like RSVP details, for I do not want to publish the person’s details to all and sundry on the net…

The image below gives you a rough idea of what the area would look like… You won’t really know the impact this development would have unless you are in and around this area, so for those of you who DO know the area, it’s on the corner of Jorisson Street and Jan Smuts Avenue.